Meditation > Medication

During the past week or so I've been trying to learn how to meditate like the big kids do. You know, actually sit still and breath, think about nothing, and get all superior to everyone. Right? No. That's not the way.

The right way is to sit still and breath and, well, meditate. What I've learned is sitting cross legged hurts. I also fidget and have a hard time getting comfortable. My back hurts and ... you get the idea. I'm like a grumpy old man trying to do yoga. Hmmmph. 

I read about all the good stuff that meditation can do for you. Also, my therapist has recommended it to me for over a year. "Hows the meditation?", she asks. "Oh, the medication is fine", I reply. She looks at me, then at her pad, then jots something down. I don't know why I pay her real money to do that.

Homebrew focal point

Anyway, back to meditation and how uncomfortably fun it is, but not really fun, all at the same time! In fact, after a week of fidgeting and trying to get comfortable I finally found my stride in sitting still. I even setup a little East-meets-West-in-a-Karate Kid-sort-of-way focal point of candles and incense. Hey, it works for me as a focal point so I'm going to keep doing it. Plus, I enjoy the smell of incense. Who doesn't?

How did I go from a fidgeting, grumpy, old man trying to sit still while cross legged on the floor? Here is my secret to finally enjoying and getting "something" from meditation. That secret is finding a guided meditation guru of sorts that actually guides you through the Chakra.

Chakra, not chocolate. Oh, man chocolate sounds sooooo good right now. 

As far as I can tell the Chakra is a set of points within your body or mind or what-have-you, each of which connects to a spiritual aspect of yourself. There are 7 Chakras, starting from your legs and working the way up to the crown of your head. Regardless of what they are, or how mystical they sound, I found meditating with a focus on something other than saying affirmations or imagining I'm a butterfly is something I appreciate. 

As for the 'guru' I'm using Spotify to access a Guided Meditations podcast by someone called The Yoga Bunny. Now, don't laugh. I thought the name leaned toward Southern California hippy dippy, but her work is solid and there's also an implication of following the White Rabbit to her handle. I have listened to many guided meditations and landed on hers because it hit the right notes for me. Most other meditations seem to be very focused on relaxing, and breathing, and boring..snooze.

Not me

The Yoga Bunny is different. She has a series on the Chakras and I've learned a lot, such as how to sit still and get in touch with my surroundings. Surprising to me, my mind is clear and I have a sense of control throughout my day. I feel more in tune with my feet and head. It's hard to put in words, but it's like I have an extra second of time in my brain when I'm making a decision. It's like bullet time from that movie "The Matrix"....but not as cool visually.

Thanks for reading!

Fasting the slow way

Today is my fourth day of fasting and the middle of a second week of daily meditation. The fasting is part of what might be called a detox of sorts. Most of 2020 was spent in a haze of over eating and alcohol consumption during both a pandemic and a divorce. Combine that with a little internal bleeding and a 3 day hospital stay I decided I need to get off the train to Wrecksville and on to Healthville.

I'm 48 years old, which means my body doesn't work as well as it did when I was 28. On the other hand it works better in certain ways, such as putting on fat at the drop of a hat and saying 'yes' to that second round...or third...of beer. Not exactly the sort of improvements I was hoping for by this age. Yet, as my doctor says, "You're in good health for someone your age". I intend to keep it that way.

Smiling, but still in the Hospital

 This year is going to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship with myself. Last year was "the valley". This year will be "the grassy knoll". I'm starting with a 7 day fast to allow my digestive system time to purge and recover just a little bit. I've done 7 day fasts before, and always dread it, but not for the reasons you might think. I dread it because it's so easy to stop eating altogether that it is very difficult to start up again. Yes, it is difficult to start eating again.

Now, don't get me wrong, I haven't stopped all caloric intake. I ingest many ounces of water each day to keep full. On the off chance that I get a little light headed I keep a bottle of Martinelli's apple juice in the fridge for a pick-me-up. I appreciate Martinelli's because it is like drinking candy that has been harvested from trees right here in the US. That means the bottles didn't travel across the ocean to get to me. The bottle is glass too, so I can reuse it for water, or spare nuts and bolts, or play in a jug band. Who knows? The possibilities are endless.

My fridge

Oh, man. Where was I? Being light-headed, right. Those past few sentences seemed to ramble. Light-headedness is to be expected. I also take my medications daily. Each bottle has a warning: "take on a full stomach". Ha! To get around this conundrum I drink a glass of V8 before taking my medications and vitamins. It seems to help any discomfort the pills would cause otherwise. So far, so good.

During the first days I drank a few ounces of orange juice mixed with Metamucil to both fill me up a bit and also to get me going. For the record I've lost almost 8 lbs over the past four days. Bear in mind much of that is waste weight. Yup. I was full of... well, you know. Regardless, I'm feeling lighter and my head fog has gone away. And I'm not bleeding from my rectum as the bottle of Metamucil said I might. Fun!

Well, that's all I can say. I have a few more days of fasting left, but I'm considering calling it early because I want to go hunting this Saturday. I'll need my energy to carry everything through the woods and setup the blind, etc.. If I do that on an empty stomach I'm sure to get ill. Decisions decisions. Since I'm doing this for my health I lean toward breaking early so I don't get sick. We'll see....

Thanks for reading!

UPDATE: I stopped on the 5th day because I wanted to be sure to have strength to go hunting. Priorities, right?

Home Is...

Recently I've been mulling around the idea of downsizing to an apartment because I need to cut costs since the divorce, and I want to start putting money back in savings. Since I'm living in the house we bought a few years ago there are a lot of memories here. Considering we were married for 22 years only a small percentage of our time together was in this house. There are a lot of good and bad memories in the house and in my mind; ghosts of Christmas past and future haunt these halls.

A year has passed since she left, but we are still in communication because we're sharing custody of our children, one of which recently went to college. I think that's another Blog post in itself. As I said, I have the house and it seems so very quiet and lonely when the kids are at her apartment. I keep the temperature (its winter now) down around 60 because only my dog and I are here. I keep a heater in the front office during the day and in the bedroom when I sleep at night. When the kids aren't here the house is quiet, cold, and empty for two weeks at a time.

When my kids are here it's full of activity, heat, and conversation. I love those times more than just about anything...even though there is the added stress of picking up, delivering, feeding, washing, coordinating, and all of the usual family stuff. I wouldn't give it up for the world. Fortunately they are all teenagers, and two of the three drive their own cars which is a whole other set of responsibilities. At those times I'm glad I have this house. Its large with a back yard, garage, and game room. The only heavy weight is cost.

Which brings me back to why I'm considering a move. The mortgage of this house is only a small part of the cost. There is also maintenance cost of mowing the lawn, cleaning the interior, and fixing the exterior. It seems to never end, especially during the summer and fall months. Fortunately the house is large enough to hold all of my stuff and some of my ex-wife's stuff (more on that later) that it would be difficult for me to downsize. For two weeks at a time I mull over the idea of going smaller, but when the house is full I forget all about it.

Last week I started looking for an apartment. My needs were few; 2 bedrooms with washer/dryer hookups, an attached garage (for my EV), in a safe neighborhood of the school district. I found only one that met those requirements. So, I scheduled a look-see on a Thursday. The unit I was viewing had been rented out, but I was allowed to go in to measure some of the floor space while the cleaners were finishing up.

One pleasant thing I noticed was the garage was HUGE! I mean, for a one-car garage it was huge and had everything my little EV could want. A concrete floor, four walls and a ceiling, and an electric outlet. After I walked upstairs...which I would be doing every day I lived there...I noticed the interior looked much bigger on paper.

After a few minutes of walking from one side of the two-bedroom apartment to the other I began to understand the value of my home. First, the rent of this apartment was about just over two-hundred less per month than my mortgage. The apartment was all electric, and water costs were fixed. Unfortunately it was half the size of my house with some obvious wear and tear on the interior. The windows looked like they leaked air or water, and the space was horrible for the cost. My EV would be happy, but no one else would be. I nixed the deal that day by letting the manager know, "I'll think about it".

I know there are probably some really nice apartments out there, but not for me right now. I'm not forced to move (yet) and get to try other avenues to reduce costs such as refinancing or cutting back on services. In the meantime I'm going to try to make this house feel like a home. What does that entail? How am I going to feel comfortable in my own digs in the aftermath of that-which-shall-not-be-named?

Well... I have a plan that includes paint, a garage sale, and some new furniture and wall-decor. I'm also going to keep the shop in the garage (oh, that's another blog post!) as-is, warts and all. But, most of all I'm going to work on myself and how I interpret my new world. I think that's the best home of all. One in which I'm comfortable in my own skin.

Now, to post this and kick off my shoes, hop on the couch, and avoid the TV news.